


holding out for a hero

by marvelleous



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Melinda is a superhero, Phil is a dork, superhero au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-06 23:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11611605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelleous/pseuds/marvelleous
Summary: Melinda's biggest problem as a superhero isn't the villain she has to fight each day, nor the injuries she might sustain while doing so. It isn't even her snarky team mates or the fact that her suit makes her look like a shiny disco ball. No, her biggest problem is that her clueless best friend, Phil, is her number one fan.





	holding out for a hero

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Yasmin, _my _number one fan.__

Even from an early age, Melinda had always wanted to save the world. Her mother was a spy, and she had the same ambitions, eventually growing up to work for the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. She was a specialist, known amongst her fellow agents for her skills in espionage, hand to hand combat and weaponry.

Incredibly lethal, an assassin by trade, but all her talents came from hard work and training.

That all changed after a mission went south. She blacked out for days, and when she finally came to, there were a million voices inside her head. It broke her, almost drove her mad, but with time and patience, she learnt to control her abilities, and use them for the greater good.

Melinda had always wanted to be a hero, but had never dreamed of having any recognition for her deeds. Apparently being a member of the Avengers meant that the choice wasn’t hers to begin with. She supposes she should consider herself lucky, that her identity is thankfully a secret from the public, that no one knows who it is behind the silver mask.

The White Knight.

An eye catching name that rolled off the tongue - at least that’s what Pepper had told her when she was preparing to join the team. She was a part of them now, a part of something bigger, whereas once she had simply been their handler, the person in charge of their every movement. Honestly, the job hadn’t been that great, trying to keep more than a dozen superheroes on a tight leash. To be quite frank, she much prefers what she does now.

She didn’t ask for her powers, but she doesn’t regret them.

Reading the minds of others, having the ability to manipulate their thoughts, their actions, it’s a useful skillset to have. The shiny silver suit and corny superhero name, well, those she could have done without, but Stark hadn’t really given her many options to choose from and really, it could have been so much worse.

Fighting crime wasn’t the most lucrative of career choices when it came to retirement options, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. It is an honour to protect those around them that don’t have the ability to do so for themselves, and Melinda doesn’t need to remind herself of these facts each time she suits up, ready to fight another battle. The injuries are plenty, and often painful, and her sleep schedule is non-existent, but there aren’t really many downsides to being a crime-fighting superhero in New York City.

In fact, she can only name one.

And his name, is Phil Coulson.

 

* * *

 

 

Phil is her closest friend.

They had met in high school, when she was a freshman, and he was a sophomore. They shared no classes, but found company with one another during lunch periods, and were virtually inseparable from then on. She missed him terribly when he went away to college, but he always found time for her during semester break, and even while they were separated, the bond between them never wavered, never broke.

It very much pains her to keep secrets from him, but each and every day she reminds herself that keeping him in the dark means protecting him. If any harm were to come to him… she doesn't know what she would do.

Phil is just a regular civilian, a history teacher at a local high school. The most action he sees is during lunch, trying to stop food fights in the cafeteria. There is no telling how he would react if she told him the truth, that her “government job” involved travelling around the world to fight bad guys. He's still very much under the illusion that she spends her days making translations for important officials.

It would be easier for both of them, for the sake of their friendship, if nothing changed.

Unfortunately, Phil's always had a particular interest in her true line of work. Back in high school, he had been a comic book collecting dork, obsessed with superheroes and the like. He hasn't changed really- the spare bedroom in his apartment is proof of his admiration for those that save the world, both in fiction and reality. The walls are lined with posters, the shelves crammed full of old comics, newer graphic novels, and various collectibles.

She remembers when he first moved in, and she had sat on the floor being completely useless as he decorated. There was so much Captain America memorabilia saved from his childhood, and she had teased him about it, telling him that his crush on Steve Rogers was kind of cute.

Of course, things became much less cute and much more awkward after SHIELD recovered the Captain, who began serving as their protector once more.

Melinda would work with Steve during the day, only to drop in on Phil at night for their routine dinner and a movie, and have to listen to him go on and on about Captain America, and “What if I got to meet him, Melinda? That would be so cool”. Still, life had been bearable back then, his chatter very much endearing.

Things became so much more difficult after the mission that left her powered.

 

* * *

 

Melinda doesn't remember much of the operation itself, only the unbearable pain in her mind when she woke days later, strapped to a hospital bed, barely able to move.

The discovery of her powers was terrifying, hearing the thoughts of everyone in the vicinity and being unable to shut it out.

Her team had been there for her the first few weeks, each of them providing her with a different type of comfort. Some were more serious than others; Stark cracked a joke and invited her to join the team, but she could hear the concern in his thoughts, knew that he cared for her well-being.

It took nearly three months before she was deemed stable enough to go back to work, and even then only under constant monitoring and supervision. She thinks she surprised even herself when she applied for time off, and fled to the safest place she knew.

Phil didn't ask questions, just wrapped his arms around her and lectured her on flaking out on him without advance warning. She could hear his worry, his care, and she hugged him back, her mind soothed as it wrapped around his, feeling his positivity and happiness.

She stayed with him for a while, sharing his apartment, his room, his bed. The normality of it all should have felt weird, but for some reason, never did. He read aloud to her from his comics before bed each night, prattling on about the importance of heroes in their society, and she knows she might never be able to tell him, but he was what inspired her to accept Stark’s offer and join the team.

He always fell asleep before her, and during those moments be she drifted off, she allowed herself to lose control a little, and peek into his dreams. She never saw much, didn't want to breach his privacy, but sometimes she saw herself, just smiling, memories of their past together.

Knowing that he thought of her, even when unconscious, was more than enough.

 

* * *

 

Melinda’s powers are all of the mind, and at first it takes a great deal of concentration in order to stop herself from just reading the mind of anyone around her.

By now, it isn't something she has to consciously do.

The separation of her work from her personal life makes it easier; the moment the mask and suit come off, she's not the White Knight any longer, just Melinda May. She doesn't have to force herself to shut away her abilities, to not take a peek into someone's thoughts whenever she deemed inappropriate.

The thought of someone knowing everything inside her mind is terrifying, and she doesn't want others to have to live in that fear.

 

* * *

 

The first time she hears Phil speak of the White Knight, Melinda almost chokes on her pasta. They're watching the news, and she's been an Avenger for less than a month, but someone had tried to take over the world earlier that day and she'd had her first chance to suit up and fight as part of the team.

“Another Avenger? I wonder what her abilities are. She looks so cool.”

It takes a lot of self control to stop the smile forming on her face. She supposes she should have seen this coming, but it's such a pleasant surprise this way.

 

* * *

 

Phil brings it up now and again, the mystery of the White Knight, in between his ramblings about Captain America and Iron Man.

“I wonder how powerful her abilities are?”

“She fights as well as the Black Widow.”

“God, she's amazing.”

Truth be told, Melinda is usually too distracted to really hear the words coming out of his mouth most of the time. She often finds herself lost, staring into his eyes, or at his smile, the way in which he moves his hands when he's particularly excited about something.

Just something about his presence always affects her in some way. It's not something she can explain, or truly understand even, but she wonders if everyone has someone like that in their life.

Someone they could never bear to lose.

Keeping her career and abilities a secret from Phil will never be easy, but she's had so much practice over the years, not telling him the most important thing.

That she was in love with him.

She's too afraid of the consequences, has always been terrified about the fallout if he didn't feel the same way about her. It would be that easy to just delve into his mind, find out his views on the nature of their relationship, to see if he felt as strongly about her as she did about him.

But there's always the chance he doesn't love her back, and for that reason alone, she can't bring herself to do so.

Ignorance is bliss, and if she doesn't know the truth, then it cannot hurt her.

 

* * *

 

She's just coming off a mission when Phil calls her, asking if she's coming over for dinner. It's a little pointless really. He always rings, and she always says yes, but she doesn't think she could go about her day properly if he didn't call.

SHIELD had taught them the dangers of being so reliant on something, somebody, but she doesn't let her training govern her private life. She gives enough in her work to do as she pleases when she isn't fighting, and not that she's thought about it often, but she would easily give it all up for a civilian life.

He meant a lot to her.

More than she could put into words really, and she used that excuse on herself each time she felt like she should tell him.

She rocks up at his apartment after seven like always, and it doesn't take her abilities to notice that something is different. Phil is more excited than usual, and she realises why when he pulls her along after him, speaking of a surprise.

He flicks on the lights to his spare room, and she nearly passes out from shock.

There are posters of the White Knight… of her… on the walls.

“I love Cap, but I think she might be my new favourite superhero.”

Melinda can't breathe. She doesn't know whether to scream or laugh, so she settles for what she does best. A blank expression accompanied by a sarcastic remark.

“You don't say?”

He beams at her and she realises how fucked she is.

 

* * *

 

Steve isn't sympathetic at all when she tells him the next day, back at the Avengers Tower, training as they always do. In fact, he laughs for a good ten minutes and she mind controls Thor into giving him a wedgie before he finally relents.

“This is not funny. What am I supposed to do?”

As expected, none of her teammates provide a feasible option. After hearing them out, she wonders why she asked in the first place.

“I'm sure he’ll get bored of it eventually,” Natasha tells her while they're sparring, and Melinda rolls her eyes, thinking just how many years Phil has been obsessed over Steve. That man formed attachments and then stuck with them; he was loyal like that.

It was one of the many things she loved about him, but that was beside the point.

“You could turn up in your suit. Rock his world, if you get my drift.”

While she wants nothing more than to short circuit Tony’s suit while he's a mile up in the air for that remark, she refrains from doing so, knowing that “White Knight goes berserk, murders national hero Iron Man”, won't make for a good headline in tomorrow's news.

Melinda knows there's really nothing she can do to control the situation, so she just hopes that in this instance, Natasha is right, that Phil will lose interest of the White Knight in favour of another hero.

 

* * *

 

As usual, Melinda fears come true.

She's known Phil for more than half her life, and she likes to think that she knows him well. His likes and dislikes are plenty, but she can name them all. The little quirks that others find odd, she views as rather adorable, and though she’ll never seek to find out for herself, she knows most of his secrets.

It isn't that difficult, considering he tells her just about everything. She rolls her eyes at him, tells him that he shares too much and he’ll always smile back, saying “of course”.

Best friends should always know everything about the other.

The statement makes her feel a little guilty sometimes, but she isn't withholding information for completely selfish reasons. She just wants him to be safe. Their relationship isn't always fair to Phil, and she hates having to lie to him. It feels imbalanced, that she's living two lives and that he's only part of one of them.

Well, sort of.

Phil's obsession for the White Knight only grows, and each time Melinda visits his apartment, almost every day actually, he has a new poster or comic or figurine to show her.

“Look, it's my scale model of the White Knight.”

“They released trading cards, I can't wait to collect them all.”

“Look Melinda, it's a White Knight costume.”

She actually nearly bursts into laughter as he presents an almost exact replica of her costume to her. It's accurate, down to the zipper, and she so regrets not reading the fine print when signing her contract. She wonders how much money they've made selling Avengers merchandise to poor unsuspecting souls.

“Phil, please tell me you aren't planning to wear that.”

As amusing as it might be to try and see him squeeze himself into a skin tight costume, she's also sure the image will scar her for life. It's too disturbing to even think of.

“Of course not. I got it for you.”

His excitement fades to disappointment when she doesn't respond, just staring at him blankly, and she can see the exact moment his shoulders slump and he releases a sigh.

“I guess it was dumb, I'm sorry.”

She can't bear to see him like this, without a smile on his face, so she shakes her head, taking the outfit from him.

“It's not dumb, Phil. But I have to ask, why?”

He looks slightly less like a pouting puppy and more like his usual self as he drags her over to his laptop and shows her what's on open on his browser.

“It's Hero con next month. I've already gotten us both tickets, I thought we could go together. I haven't seen you as much lately.”

Melinda feels both confusion and affection at this moment. She has no desire to parade around as a replica of herself in public, nor mingle with the huge crowds that were often found at conventions, but she already knows how happy Phil will be if she agrees. They haven't spent as much time as usual together; the world is always vulnerable and she has to do her part to keep it safe. She's missed him.

“I, I've missed you,” he tells her, and she can feel his thumb tracing patterns against her wrist.

She's powerless to resist him. It scares her how much of a weakness this is, but she can't help it. She doesn't know how to say it back though, to hell him just how often she thinks of him, how not seeing him every day brought her so much pain, so she settles for a gentle smile, and squeezing his hand with hers.

 

* * *

 

The costume is uncomfortable and way too tight, accentuating all the wrong areas, but the smile on Phil’s face when she does a spin for him is almost worth it.

Almost.

He looks dashing as Captain America, complete with a replica shield, and she begrudgingly takes his arm as they head off into what she can only imagine a society that has dissolved into anarchy feels like.

“This is fun. Isn't this fun?”

Phil is having the time of his life, and as much as she hates to admit it, she's enjoying herself. Though, that probably has more to do with his presence than anything else.

Tony and Steve are both making an appearance at the end of the evening to thank attendees for their support of the Avengers, and Melinda can't wait to see the look on Phil’s face when they “accidentally” bump into Captain America later. There is so much she can't tell him about her life, but she knows he's always wanted to meet his childhood hero, and it's really the least she can do for the guy that's been here for her all these years.

“Melinda look, there's someone dressed up as, oh my god, Melinda its Captain America!”

She has to remind herself to keep a straight face as Steve approaches them, though it's not that difficult when Phil is close to breaking her hand with his grip.

“Nice costume.”

Phil just stands there with his mouth open in shock, and Steve gives her a look she can't quite comprehend. She ignores it though, and digs her elbow sharply into Phil’s side to get him to snap out of it. Pain clearly does the trick, maybe a little too well, because he goes from being unable to speak to rambling quite possibly every thought on his mind.

She owes Steve big time for this one.

Their conversation asks for what feels like hours, until Steve finally tries to excuse himself and Melinda gives him a look of pity. Phil was kind of a super fan, though she had warned him about that before he promised her the favour.

“It was nice meeting you.”

She smiles as Phil nods enthusiastically, and it feels so nice, being able to do something for him, to make him this happy.

“You too, I still can't believe it.”

Melinda is about to let out a sigh of relief, that the day is pretty much done and she can go back to Phil’s apartment and change out of her costume, when he says something that shocks her.

“Um, Cap- er, Steve… I know you work with the White Knight, and I just wanted to say that she's one of my favourite heroes, an inspiration to me really. I would love to meet her if I ever got the chance, but, could you just tell her how amazing, wait no, brave and courageous she is.”

Steve grins, and Melinda can feel her cheeks heating up at Phil’s words. She knew that Phil admired the White Knight, like all other heroes, but she had no idea the depth to which he did. It… it meant a lot to her to hear that.

“I'm sure she knows, and I don't know about meeting her, but it looks like you've got yourself a pretty good version right here.”

Phil beams and Melinda feels her defenses weakening further, as he releases her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer into his side.

“I wouldn't know what to do without her.”

 

* * *

 

Things stay the same for a while.

She still travels around the world with the Avengers, taking down villains left and right, only to go home at the end of the day to hear Phil tell her the stories she had already lived through. In the beginning, she had been afraid of the strain it would put on their friendship, not knowing her own tolerance for living such a life.

But she's come to realise that with Phil, she would do anything.

 

* * *

 

They're wrapped up together in a blanket on his couch, watching some old movie about aliens, but as usual, she doesn't pay much attention to what is happening on the screen.

She's tucked into Phil’s side, his arm loosely around her waist and her palm his resting against his chest and the thing is, they're always like this. Physical contact isn't something she finds necessary, but once again, everything is different when it comes to Phil.

Is this what other best friends do?

It's warm and she feels so content, resting her cheek on his shoulder and pretending to focus on the movie. She feels only his body, warm and firm against hers, his heartbeat, steady beneath her fingertips and his touch, almost burning her skin. It's almost too much, and yet not enough.

She's normally drowsy by the time the credits roll, but tonight finds herself on edge, and she can't pinpoint the reason for it. Phil reaches over to grab the remote, turning the television off, and she doesn't move, just staying in his embrace.

It feels almost wrong to do this, to take advantage of her closest friend like this, when she clearly feels more for him than strictly friendship, but she can't help it. She allows herself the comfort just a moment longer, but finds that she is unable to pull away when she tries, his arm tightening around her.

Slowly, she lifts her head from his shoulder, turning to face him, almost jumping back in surprise when their noses brush. He's staring into her eyes, and they're just so close, and she has no idea what might come next.

“Hey.”

His voice is low, raspy, and it sends a shiver down her spine. She isn't sure what is happening, but his other hand moves up to cradle her cheek, his thumb brushing against the corner of her mouth, and she's almost too afraid to hope.

Her eyes fall shut, because she can't bear to see the expression he might wear when he realises what he's doing, when he moves to pull away, but nothing happens as she expects it. She feels something brush against her lips, gently, hesitantly, and then again, firmer.

Phil is kissing her.

She exhales softly and leans into his touch, chasing his lips with her own, and until now, she doesn't think that she truly knew what happiness felt like.

The smile on her face is wide when they pull apart, and as her eyes slowly open once more, she sees he is wearing a familiar expression. He brushes a stray curl behind her ear, and it's almost too cliché, just how incredibly tender this moment is. She wishes she could hold onto it forever, but also hopes, knows that whatever comes next must be just as incredible.

“You're my best friend,” he whispers, and the words terrify her, because she's so afraid he might regret the events that just transpired. It's like he can hear her worries, which she might find ironic if she were not so concerned, and he smiles, resting his forehead against hers before speaking once more.

“You're my best friend, and you mean everything to me.”

She doesn't know what to say, and tries to show her affection for him with actions rather than words, bringing her own hand up to cup his jaw. He smiles even more at her touch, and she can't help herself as she leans in, pressing their lips together once more.

It's more heated and less gentle this time, years of pent up passion being released, on her end at least. His hand finds its way into her hair, and before she knows it she's in his lap, his arm locked firmly around her waist to keep her in place as they explore one another properly.

Her cheeks are flushed when they pull apart once more, and there's a sparkle in his eye as he stares at her. She can't hear what he's thinking, but she knows how he is feeling.

Love.

 

* * *

 

It doesn't hit her till later that night, when they're curled up together in bed, her head resting on his chest, legs entwined and fingers interlocked.

She’ll have to tell him who she is.

It was hard enough to keep secrets from him before, but now that they're together, she can't do it anymore. She can't lie to him like this. The thought of losing him is too much for her to bear, but she would rather he push her away for lying than for him to be vulnerable, unaware of the dangers in her life.

So she has to tell him the truth.

It's only a matter of how she does it.

 

* * *

 

Melinda doesn't know whether she is lucky or not when the universe steps in and makes the decision for her.

She and Phil have been “dating” for two weeks, and he arranges for them to have dinner at a nice restaurant, a deviation from their usual routine. It's supposed to be their first proper date.

Unfortunately for her, there's Avengers business on the other side of the country that day, and by the time she gets back, it's already past eleven in the evening. She's already distraught at missing their date together, and even more so when she turns up to Phil’s apartment and he's nowhere to be found.

Her panic only lasts a moment, because her phone rings, interrupting her horrific train of thought. She doesn't speak, just listens as Steve tells her that a crazy scientist has kidnapped dozens of civilians off the street to be guinea pigs for his unethical experiments, and that from security footage, Phil was one of those who had been snatched.

Melinda takes a deep breath, processing the situation in her mind. Phil is in danger, she needs to go and rescue him. And when he is safe once more, she can tell him who she is.

 

* * *

 

Seven of them raid the underground lab in New Jersey.

It's a little overkill, seven heroes against a bunch of lab techs and hired thugs, but there was a significant amount of captives reported, and they don't take their chances when it comes to the lives of innocent civilians.

Melinda reaches out with her mind, feeling for those with hostile intentions, and with a little concentration, she knocks them out. They're essentially asleep, but there are bound to be automatized weapons in a facility like this, and the rest of the team wait outside as Tony and Rhodey fly in to disable any remaining threats.

“Don't look so tense. I'm sure Phil is fine.”

Natasha is standing beside her, and gives her arm a gentle squeeze of assurance. It does little to calm her nerves as the sounds of small explosions echo out from within the base.

She expands her mind, feeling the fear of those trapped inside, thirty eight minds all with similar thoughts of terror. It takes her only a moment longer to identify Phil’s, and a barrage of emotions hit her.

He's afraid like the others, but his thoughts are all of her, worrying where she is, if she is safe and Natasha almost has to physically restrain her from rushing in to find him. The wait is agonising, but then Tony gives them the all clear and the other thirty seven captives have six heroes them can depend on.

She rushes straight for Phil.

He’s in a small cell with three other men when she finds him, and she steps aside, letting Wanda blast open the lock before she pulls open the door. His expression is one of awe, and she remembers that she’s not Melinda right now, she’s the White Knight. She doesn’t speak, just gestures for him to follow her, while Sam takes charge in rescuing the rest of the prisoners.

If he’s confused by her actions he doesn’t say so, just hurrying to keep up with her. She can hear how scared he is, but there’s also a touch of excitement. Unable to help it, she allows her mind to wander, smiles to herself when she hears his loudest thoughts.

_“I can’t believe the White Knight rescued me. I’m never going to forget this.”_

They meet up with Tony at the end of the hall, and she hates doing this to anyone, but the easiest way to get Phil back to the tower without too much fuss is to knock him out first. She turns to face him, places her palm against his cheek and closes her eyes. Within moments he slumps forward into her arms, and she passes him off to Tony, releasing a sigh of relief.

The hard part is over.

Now she just has to figure out how to break the news to him.

 

* * *

 

Phil is kind of cute when he’s asleep. To be fair, she finds him adorable regardless, but there’s a sort of innocence there when he’s unconscious, and she runs a finger over the bridge of his nose, unable to keep herself from being in contact with him.

She moves to hold his h and as he stirs, and as expected, he bolts upright, looking frantically around to gage his surroundings before narrowing his gaze at her. It almost breaks her heart when he tears his hand from hers.

“Where am I? What did you to do me? Why have you brought me here?”

He’s panicking, and she needs him to calm down before she can even begin to explain, and so she tries to reach for him again, a wave of sadness washing over her as he backs away. She moves, slowly, sitting down at the edge of her bed, and hopes against all odds that he won’t run when he learns the truth.

With shaky hands, she reaches up, peeling off her mask and dropping it onto the ground beside her.

For once Phil doesn’t speak, and it scares her. She wants to know what he’s thinking, needs to know how he feels about this, but she won’t violate his mind again. The silence is unbearable, and in the end, she is the one to break it, looking into his familiar eyes as she does so.

“I’m sorry, Phil. I didn’t know how to tell you.”

She’s so used to being able to read him, but the expression on his face is unfamiliar to her, and she has no idea what to make of it. Is it perhaps anger, betrayal, or even hate, that he feels for her?

The atmosphere in the room is so thick, almost choking her, and she doesn’t know how much longer she can sit here, not knowing how Phil feels about her now. She looks away from him, down at her lap, willing the tears forming in her eyes not to fall. His hand enters her vision a moment later, fingers tracing the edge of her jaw, coaxing her to turn back towards him.

“I wanted to tell you how brave and courageous you are. Thank you for saving my life.”

A single tear rolls down her cheek as he leans forward and captures her lips with his. Their kisses are messy, but she can’t bring herself to care, pressing herself closer and closer to him as his hands span her back, fingers dancing against her spine.

She brushes her nose against his when they pull apart, and he only hugs her tighter.

“Do you mind if I…” she trails off, pressing two of her fingers to his temple, and he smiles, giving her his consent. Closing her eyes, she rests her forehead against his, and opens her mind to him, exploring his in turn. Most of his thoughts and happiest memories revolve around her, and she laughs softly when she comes across some of his racier fantasies.

 _“You mean a lot to me,”_ she thinks, and she can feel Phil startle beneath her as he hears the words in his mind, almost as if she had said them out loud. It will take some getting used to, she thinks as she withdraws, coming back to reality, but as Phil rambles on about how cool her abilities are, she knows it will all be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> The lovely Stinis sent me a post on tumblr, and I just had to write this fic. Apologies for all the mistakes, they will be edited when I'm conscious once more :) Please feel free to leave any feedback in the comments, I love to hear from everyone.


End file.
